Why I'd Cry...And Why I'd Not.

I have to admit, I'm a moderate crier. I don't sit around and sob incessantly without reason--sorry, guys, I'm a little bit stronger than that--but I'm also not the type who sits and laughs when a dog gets shot [Old Yeller, anyone?].

There are only a few reasons why I start the waterworks. I'm pretty sure they're legitimate...

1. Because I'm furiously, fire-spittingly angry. You know you've pissed me off [yes, I said "pissed"] when I start to cry. It may be the most ridiculous response, but I can't really do much about it. If I try to stop crying when I'm already fuming, I just get angrier at myself and it starts a vicious cycle of fury and sobbing. Grr.

2. Because I'm hungry. I know, you're thinking that that sounds really, really pathetic. But you've got to understand, my blood sugar goes CRAZY when I get hungry, and I slip into a state of shock with which only diabetics or hypoglycemics like myself can sympathize. Ask my DI team, they'll tell you what happens when I go more than five/six hours without protein [I am so sorry, guys]. I turn into a superbitch [yes, I said "bitch"... If there were ANY other proper word, I would use it, wouldn't I?], the tunnel vision clicks in, and my limbs and face start to go numb. So I start to cry. Pathetic, yes, but not really my fault. Self-control seems to escape me when I can't feel my arms and my vision's blotchy.

3. Because something terrible, horrible, or otherwise severely depressing has just occurred. Death has a funny way of making me cry, you know? And other kinds of awful situations. I don't really feel the need--or the desire--to elaborate.

That's pretty much it. I don't cry a lot. It's too embarrassing and, much worse, totally sissy. I'm tough, not a wuss. I've got enough control most of the time to make sure you don't know I'm upset.

Yet you can't forget that I am indeed human. I feel, you know. Being everyone else's support hotline doesn't make me invulnerable. And carrying the weight of the world doesn't make me any stronger than the average person.

I feel. I just don't always let you see it.