Narrowing it Down

I just got back from Chicago yesterday. It was a great trip, I must say, but we all know how well I post about vacations. [For those of us who are new to this little place, I'll fill you in: When it comes to posting about long-term events, I pretty much suck. Never gets done.]

So I'll just say it was a great trip. Lots of fun. I enjoyed myself. :]

As for right now, I'm editing this blog. Changing the colors and such. I'm also changing the quote on top, because I listened to a ton of music yesterday [car ride=iPod] and I found quite a few options.

...changing quote...

All right. Because I'm sentimental and sappy, I feel the need to share with you the two runner-ups. The ones that got away. These are the quotes I almost used and decided against, for various reasons:

"Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in...
Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart..."
--I'm Not That Girl [from the musical Wicked...lol]

"She would never say where she came from
And yesterday don't matter if it's gone
And while the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night, no one knows
She comes and goes...
Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
And she just can't be chained..."
--Ruby Tuesday, Rolling Stones [but I like the version by the Corrs]

Like I said, I had my reasons for not using them, but I felt that they needed their recognition. If I explained it to you... Well, I don't think I can.

To music, to words, and to the strange power they possess when combined.
--Abbsigail

Slow Down, Time

Every morning I wake up and another day has passed. Each minute ticks by, second by second, and I am reminded that time stops for nobody.

Especially nobodies who really wish it would.

Kailey turned seventeen yesterday, and we spent some quality time at the zoo. I'm a little bit in shock that my baby sister is seventeen--seventeen!--but I'll have to allow her to grow up at some point. Well, maybe. ;]

Happy, HAPPY birthday wishes to you, love. You're a strong, beautiful woman that I'm proud to have as a sister. Keep being silly and don't let anyone interfere with your wonderfully keen insight.

Cassie and Pinks are doing well, too. Cassie was THISCLOSE to getting a state time at her swim meet this weekend [!!!] and I am one hundred percent certain she'll nab it next time. I love watching her advance in her sport; it's almost inhuman, the way those gosh darn swimmers move. And from my own experience, I know how difficult it is...

Pinks finished up her nursing assistant program at Beaumont and is looking forward to getting closer and closer to her career goals. Of all of us, she's probably the most ready to graduate, both mentally and in the sense that she knows what she wants after high school. Ha! The day I know what I want with my life will be the day I die, and by then it'll be way too late.

Maddy has evaporated from my life for these past few weeks, leaving a hole the size of Africa in my heart. It wasn't intentional--she's been out of town most of the time--but my heart aches all the same. I miss you so much, Madds!! :[

And my biological family is doing quite well, too. :P

As for me? I'm discovering who I am, one day at a time. Minute by minute. For instance, I learned today that the reason I don't throw things away [packrat syndrome, folks] is because I have an intense fear of forgetting. I didn't realize how potent it was until my mother tried to get rid of one of my dad's old shirts that I still sleep in every once in awhile. In all honesty, I should throw it out--tattered, bleach spots, multiple holes, doesn't fit in the least bit--but such an anxiety gripped me that I felt compelled to put it in the drawer yet again. I'm terrified to forget where I've been, what I've done...who I am.

I'm not crazy, I think. Anyway, if I ever feel the need to create my own psychological theory, that could be a contender for its topic.

But I also learned today, amidst a million other little lessons, that I'm the only person who is ever going to understand me. I've heard it before, naturally, but it never clicked until today.

I may never comprehend my own mind entirely, but I sure do a better job than anyone else ever will. And that's probably a good thing. :]

Unconscious Autobiographical Art

It's another one of those sleep late, work late, stay up late kind of nights. After I finish here, I'm going to head straight to my room, where my unfinished novels are screaming at me to be completed. I've actually dreamt about my characters for the past few nights, and I'm taking that as a sure sign that I need to get back to work. It's been too long.

What have I been waiting for? That's the real question, isn't it? I spend all my time waiting, waiting, waiting. Wait to finish my books. Wait to pick a career. Wait to figure myself out.

I just watched P.S. I Love You for the first time, and there's a part where main character Holly talks about creating. I found myself silently agreeing with her...

"Just create something... new, and there it is, and it's you, out in the world, outside of you and you can look at it, or hear it, or read it, or feel it... and you know a little more about... you. A little bit more than anyone else does..."

God, it's so true. My writing--the only thing in this world that understands me, really gets me--has taught me so much about myself.

And I'm just beginning to realize what I have to learn.

Grinny

Hmm... What news have I to share with you? Not much, actually.

I'm now trained on the sandwich line at work... which means I get to make food instead of just talk about it. Not entirely sure if I like it better, but it's not bad, so hey.

Senior pictures are coming up soon. Kailey already did hers, and they looked amazing. I went with her on the day she had them done, just to see what it's like, and it was a swell time.

Umm... Cedar Point in two days [YESSSS!], zoo for Kailey's birthday in eight days [SWEEET!], Houghton Lake in ten days [YAY!], Chicago in twelve days [ASLKJHFLKH! (I ran out of excited exclamations)]. But then July is almost over, and I can't have that...

See, I'm enjoying my time off WAY too much to give it up and go back to school. Totally done with education. I don't desire to ever return to my high school, thanks. Even if it's just for one more year.

Eeek. My last summer, flying by. Not cool! I'd like a slowdown, please. :]

Switch Flipped

Focus on your gleaming eyes
And all the world I'll see
Before me
Unfolding, unrolling, revealing its
True nature to be something
Something I don't understand.

On, off, on, off
Cold and hot run side-by-side
Implications thick in smiles
Bitter tempers spin them
Though we fight it valiantly
We've become what we had feared.

Never wanted anything to
Change, you said
You're either foolish or lying
Deluding yourself into believing
That things could ever stay stagnant.

Playlisting

I'm doing my best right now--which isn't very good, mind you--to create a playlist that follows the plot of The Hidden. It's...difficult. I borrowed the idea from Stephenie Meyer, but I'm having a bit of trouble.

I figured that for each part of the book [there are ten "parts" instead of chapters], I should have a song that matches each event. Probably somewhere around 5 or 6 songs per part. Maybe...?

So I'm working on it. Here's what I've got so far [it's just Part I]:

Symphony No. 9 (Scherzo), Beethoven
Ruled by Secrecy, Muse
A Bad Dream, Keane
World Spins Madly On, The Weepies
Dark Blue, Jack's Mannequin
Beauty in Walking Away, Marié Digby
Run, Snow Patrol
Telling Lies, Great Northern

I think that does it. Part I is the longest of the ten parts, so it's only fitting that it has more songs than I thought it would...

Maybe I'll finish this someday. Probably. I don't know. I hope so. :]

Because I Can Love.

What Cassie said in her comment--few posts ago--is true... Only she could say "flipside" to me [after all, it's an insult now] and not get beaten up. Only Kailey could "talk about me behind my back" to Fish and be instantly forgiven. Only Maddy could make fun of the way I talk incessantly and still have all her teeth in her mouth. And only Pinks can poke at my lack of a fashion sense [lol] and still be way cool.

Because, in case you haven't noticed, I love my sisters and my family to death.

Tomorrow is my dad's wedding. I'm still unsure about it all, of course, considering that I don't really get how weddings work [never been to one] and it's a lot of gushy emotion in one room at one time. Sends the emo-radar into panic mode [and it's not a radar for finding emos, thank you]. But I will have a good time, and everything will turn out splendidly. After all, the Morgan family knows how to have a party...

Cassie, Maddy, and Kailey will be attending the reception afterwards, along with my good ol' buddy Danz. It'll be a late night, but because it'll be with my favorite people in the world--siblings and family--all will be good. :]

As for today, I'm celebrating Independence Day with Cassie and Kailey, tearing up the party scene with pretty fireworks and "hot dirgs" [thank you, Kailey, for that]. Hopefully everyone has a great day today.

If not, eat lots of candy and look underneath the stars. Or have a Frosty at 11 PM and look underneath the stars. Or make breadsticks in the latest hours of the night. Or eat tortellini and cheese bread and watch the first half of Moulin Rouge...

Well, it works for me and my girls, doesn't it?