The Difference

I recognize the fact that I have not posted on here in thirty-five days. I also recognize that this is highly abnormal for me, nearly disgusting. I would like to mention that in these thirty-five days I have also not once touched my novels.

Oh, I've written. But it's been short and simple, little poems and pieces for my creative writing class and such. Nothing more, nothing less. I'm getting published again [poetry] and I find myself wishing I wasn't.

Not because I don't want to be. Not because I feel unworthy. No, I don't want to be published because pretty much everybody and their brother can get published for poetry and it doesn't mean anything to me anymore.

My novels do mean something. They're my babies. And do you think I'm close to getting published? Not exactly. The nearest I've gotten is having an editor read my first 40. She enjoyed it--always a good sign--and wants to continue reading...

But this post is not to be about writing. No, not one more word. I want to finally write about the transformation that has occurred in me since March.

In a matter of two months, I, Abigail Morgan, have changed. Not externally--I still look exactly the same--and not so much socially--still not a fan of lots of people from my high school--but emotionally, mentally, I'm different.

The difference? It's simple. I met someone who I can care about who actually cares about me too.

He's not my boyfriend, and he's not going to be anytime soon. For awhile I referred to him as my big brother, but pretty soon we both realized that I wasn't really a little sister to him. The running joke where we work [yes, we work in the same place, that's how I met him] is that he and I are going to get married one day.

And honestly? I wouldn't mind that one bit.

I know, you're reeling. Abby? Married? Psh. Never gonna happen.

Well, I'm different now. I've changed. Between Brillito [that's what I'm calling him on here] and graduating and even my changing group of friends, I've become a totally different person since my last real post.

Thursday was my last day of high school. Thank god. I'm so done with that place, all of its ups and downs and BS. It's totally not what it's cracked up to be. This Wednesday is prom, something I'm really excited for, and my good friend Danz will be escorting me in my princess dress. :] He's excited too, which makes me happy, considering that I didn't want him to feel obligated to go.

Next Sunday is graduation. YAY. Seriously, I can't wait to cross that stage. It's so thrilling to be freed from the mundane monotony...

My group of friends is tighter than ever. Kailey, Cassie, Pinks, Querida, Chiquita, Maddy, Lyrika, and Debbie--I seriously love them all. I would not be here if not for these beautiful girls. Their boys [either boyfriends or beaus] have been an integral part of my transformation as well, and I'm happy to say that as of right now, it seems like all our lives are in order. I love my sisters with everything in me and that will never, ever change, not even when some of us leave in August...

And then Brillito. Oh, mi brillito. My "little bright one." He has been so good to me, filling a hole in my life that I never even realized existed.

No one has ever before cared for me the way he does. It's beyond words, beyond friendship... I hate to use the word "love" because then everyone jumps to the conclusion that I'm "in love" with him, but I honestly think the bond I share with him is a kind of love. I tell him everything and he does the same to me, and something about the way we coexist works out without us having to change ourselves to match the other. We fit. Like puzzle pieces, only...better.

And he is not my boyfriend. Let me make this loud and clear. We are not dating, and we will not be dating anytime in the near future. He has a girlfriend and I would never, ever interfere with that, and he would never harm or disrespect her in any manner.

But it's nice to be woken up with a good morning and to fall asleep with a good night. It's nice to be told that someone loves you, no matter what mistakes you make or how mean you can be when you're cranky. He does that for me, and asks nothing in return--I don't have to try to be anything for him and it's wonderful. I can just be his Abby, and that's enough.

In the future, though, once I'm done with my first degree and he's gotten himself settled in the world, I could see us being more than just mutual, coexisting pieces. I could see it clear as day. Not now, because it isn't timed right and we don't feel that way, but maybe--just maybe--it could happen.

Yes, I think I may actually one day be married. Pick your jaw up off the ground, it's rude to stare.

I'm different. And I think the change is just beginning.

Abby's out. I'll be back soon. :]