Is it Seriously Christmas?

I had school today. Yes, school, as in a full day of education. On December twenty-third.

Today is my Christmas Eve with my father and stepmo. Tomorrow is my Christmas Day with them.

I'll be working from two until seven.

Then Christmas Eve with my mother, and then Christmas Day with her family. From there, it's all pretty cool. Christmas with my sisters on the twenty-sixth, my dad's family on the twenty-eighth, gnocchi and Wicked [again] on the twenty-ninth, work on the thirtieth, New Year's Eve on the thirty-first...

This week is going to fly. It doesn't even feel like Christmas. Not even a little bit. I don't know why...

Maybe because I've had no time to even think about the holiday. No Christmas music on the piano, no special decorating, nothing. I haven't had time to enjoy a single weekend since Thanksgiving.

But even if it doesn't feel like a holiday, I'm going to enjoy this reprieve from school. It's very needed, and very deserved...

So happy Christmas, kids. Celebrate with your family and love the time off while it lasts. :]

Me Atrapa...

Lol sorry about the Spanish. I have an addiction to that language, I swear...

But I am seriously trapped in my house. Have been all weekend. Except for work, of course, which really doesn't count as escaping, considering that it's about as confining.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. And I love the people there. It's just that when you feel like crap and there's ten thousand customers screaming at you over stupid, stupid, stupid stuff, you kinda want to go home.

People are so rude! I can't believe how incredibly awful I've been treated by customers this weekend. Friday wasn't too horrible, only because we were slow because of the snow. But yesterday was absolutely terrible. Lines out the door. Hundreds of angry, frustrated shoppers, all hell-bent on taking their fury out on someone innocent.

Someone like me.

Between Pager Guy [see a couple of posts ago] and Green Tea Guy [someone who blew up at my friend Thing 1], we've had our share of idiots. Oh, and yesterday! Let me tell you about yesterday, oh my god...

There are people who think that Panera is Subway. Seriously. They can't read signs. They get themselves convinced that they can walk in and "create their own" sandwich. It's a god complex.

Well, when it takes us an extra second to try and figure out what the hell these people want, they get PISSED. Not angry. Not upset. Pissed. They yell and bicker and act like we're the illiterate ones.

So here's a warning to the world: Panera is not Subway. You CANNOT create your own sandwich. If you want to modify an existing sandwich, be my guest. I could do that all day. But don't you dare try to walk in all high and mighty and demand that we pluck a magic button out of thin air that tells the line workers exactly what you want.

Sorry. Rant for the day. So freaking frustrating, being yelled at for someone else's stupidity.

Words I'll Probably Never Say Aloud

If I could...God, if I could only convince the world to right itself. To become self-sufficient and less selfish. To forgive me all I've done, and then forget.

I long to be freed from my own perspective. I see so much more than I wish to see, know so much more about people than I will ever care to know. You're all a bunch of open books, did you know? Empty, scrawling books, with messy handwriting in an ink only I can read.

So many of you want nothing at all, and that makes my heart ache. How can I help you to see what lies ahead? How can I teach you to accept the future when I can hardly do so myself?

My heart...it's breaking.

Shattering. A noise, a clamour, so much louder than expected. I never thought I could hear the sound of frustration ripping a soul in two.

I hear it all. I see it all. I feel everything that every single one of you can feel.

A light shines up ahead, can you see it? Can you hear the laughter? The rush of elated emotion... That's what I want. That's all I want. For you, for them, for him, for her.

For me.

One day, I'm going to reach the end of the tunnel. And I'm going to run screaming into the sunlight, my hair whipping out behind me, my eyes really seeing for the first time. Ears really hearing. Mind really feeling.

And everything I'll feel will be beautiful and pure.

I Won't Need a Map

My goal is to be lost.

I want to drift and float about in such a daydream that I am neither here nor there, but everywhere. I want to get caught up in my own creations until I can barely separate fiction from reality.

I want to write.

My characters are more of a comfort to me than any real people possibly could be. They're safe, a secure place to rest my head at night. They're a part of me that I had lost.

Ever since life became so out of whack, the unreal is all I care to know.

So don't mind me. I will wander this way and that, here and there and everywhere. And I'll enjoy it.

Incompetence at its Finest

Today I got called "effing incompetent" by a customer [edited expletive, obviously]. It was an adventure, let me tell you...

The best part wasn't when he started yelling. Or when he threw a penny a me. Or even when he went off on me in language that I dare not repeat on here [because, quite frankly, I don't want to burn in hell for ruining your innocent eyes].

No, the best part was when everyone working at that time pretty much tried to kill him, all at once.

I've never felt so cared for. Within seconds, I was out of the harmful situation and safe, and people who really and truly care about me were defending me, protecting me. I was allowed ample time to collect myself before returning to work, and even the co-workers I barely know were concerned about how I was reacting to such violent verbal abuse.

They care. And for that, I will always be thankful. I've said before that they're like a big family to me, and I mean it. With all my heart.

You guys are the best. Thank you for being there. Always. :]

Yuck, Snow.

Snow is pretty, yes, but for all intents and purposes, its useless. Totally useless.

Except, of course, if you want to kill me.

Yesterday I drove home from work in the snow...and I had never driven in the snow before in my life. Very interesting ride. Took me about 10 extra minutes because I was so terrified of spinning out in the neighborhoods.

I hate winter. I've come to that conclusion. I just hate it.

Yuck. Three more months of this crap. Just yuck.

Five Days

Saturday night, long ride
Lungs tire from the strain
Of singing our hearts out.
Radio so high
Can't hear ourselves think.
Short walk, hands cold
Hate to say goodbye like that:
"I'll bet we'll find our way back soon."
Four.

Stay up late, wake up late
Lounging with my conscience
Jokes and laughter and ha!
Then a wow...
Disbelief at those little words
Never saw it coming:
"Are you serious?"
Three.

Day with the rest of the world
Secret sighs and long hours
Telling everyone our tale
We're so proud of this.
But something's missing
Something's gone
Missing that something just kills me:
"No, there's no answer."
Two.

Rebounding so quickly, effortlessly
Not shallow, but true.
Emotions cloud the thoughts
Unable to do the same
Because of the broken record
Inside the mind:
"Alone...alone...alone...alone..."
One.