Wednesday, I Just Love to Hate You

Another late night. Another mindless, empty dream. One more, always one more to come...

And yet, I'm strangely relieved that the pattern never changes. I run myself ragged, pay all my dues, and when the exhaustion finally catches up to my head, I fall asleep. The cycle begins only five hours later. Relief can only go so far...

Wednesdays are especially hard. School week fatigue starts catching up, homework begins to pile on, and I'm barely home in the evening to get anything done.

Look at me! It's 10:15 at night, and I'm just finishing up all of my Wednesday "stuff." This is the first time today I've sat down and actually been allowed to relax.

It's pathetic. I'm so sick of the high school routine--as are most of my peers--and I'm ready to move on. I know who I want to keep with me when we go. I know where I want to go and what I want to do. I also know what I'll be glad to let go of.

In this school, this neighborhood, this town, there are just too many memories. The good ones will stick with me when I go, but the bad... Gah, they're like grounded ghosts. Forever haunting this suburban land. I'll be leaving them here.

I've always been beyond my years. Not necessarily in maturity [Ha! That's comical.] but just in aspiration. I want what the adults want. I want to start my life. I want to get out of the mundane world in which I currently reside. My mind is thinking at 25, and I'm 16. Talk about feeling disappointed...

And everyone will say it's "normal" to feel this way as a teenager. Well, it sucks. Forget the sugar coating and say it like it is. Quit trying to make the world out to be nice and fun and fair and pretty, because that's really irritating. Tell the truth: being in high school sucks.

Only one and a half more years [less, actually, but I'm a bit too muddled to try and count weeks backward from the semester mark] and then I'm free. Free to go on to another school in another boring town with more tedious routine.

Ugh. On days like these, I want to grow up and be an author. Live off of whatever change I can find in the couch and sleep on that couch in an apartment somewhere. Somewhere far from normalcy, from the suburbs.

Won't happen, though [insert deep, lengthy sigh]. Surprisingly, I'm too rational for that. Unfortunately.

I probably won't post for a few days. My schedule is ridiculous, as is my schoolwork load. Two more days until winter break...