The Good, The Bad, and The Biased

So Saturday's conference was pretty amazing. It was THE most informative conference I have ever attended, and I left feeling really, really, knowledgeable.

But like most things, it wasn't all bliss. I will attempt to give you a rundown of all that went on, including the pieces in which I'm disappointed. I want to tell you EVERYTHING.

Let's start with the basics. Of all the forty-something people that were invited, I was--by far--the youngest. Only one other kid was anywhere near my age, and he was 18. The next in line were the two or three people in their twenties, followed by everyone over fifty. I was a little bit conspicuous, you might say, as I strolled in typical teen clothes.

Like I said, it wasn't a very crowded place. Probably only forty-five writers in all. A good chunk was there for the genealogy sessions--family histories and such--so I didn't interact with them much.

My first session was about self-publishing, identifying each and every step that must be taken in order to publish a book on your own. The author who was lecturing was AWESOME. She was very specific, going into detail on all the fine points. All the things I don't know.

It was also quite comical when her powerpoint began to malfunction and I was the only person in the room who knew how to fix it [I was, remember, the only one still in high school]. She gave me her book for free because she thought I was a sweet, kind, and caring young girl. Let's not confuse her with the truth, okay? :P But hey--she now knows my name and my email. And I've got her card. Progress!

She also gave us all this really nifty idea for dealing with rejections. Robert Frost was rejected 500 times before one of his poems was accepted; this author wrote the number 500 on her board and subtracted one every single time she got a rejection. I'm SO stealing that.

But I now realize exactly how much money it takes to self-publish. How much money I don't have. Still in high school, guys; any income I receive immediately becomes an outcome. I try to save...

My second class was about writing a book proposal. Like the first session, it was highly informative, and I walked away knowing much, much more than I thought I would.

However:

The instructor was a class-A nasty. Not to everyone, though. Just to me.

She had us do these practice paragraphs, the kind that you would use to start a query letter. I was pretty damn proud of mine, I must say. I was totally in the zone, focused on what I was doing, and the words just flowed right on out of my pen.

But I was sincerely curious as to how it would sound in a query. I didn't know if it was too strong in some areas and weak in others, or if I was altogether off-key. So when she asked for volunteers, I waited until a few other people had gone, and then I raised my hand.

She wouldn't even LOOK at me. She ordered me to reread half of it because I "mumbled" [well, yeah, lady, because I'm absolutely terrified of you because you're a witch] and then didn't give me an ounce of feedback. She just sort of said "Yeah, that works," and went on to another person. She totally snubbed me!

And then, after class, I had a question for her. I wanted to know how to make myself sound more credible on paper, considering that I haven't had the opportunity to earn a degree or any of that fun stuff. I asked if it would be juvenile to include my "accomplishments" in school, like being the editor-in-chief of my JH newspaper and such. I asked if those kind of mundane achievements were relevant in a query.

She took one look at me and said, "You're writing young adult fiction, right? Then it's relevant." She then proceeded to slam--not shut, slam--her laptop shut and blow me off. I was shocked. I stood there for a moment, quite a bit baffled, and then turned tail and left.

My grandfather was there with me, and when I told him what she'd done [while fighting back completely irrational tears, mind you] he looked at me and said, "When you walk into these kinds of things, you immediately get stereotyped. Don't worry about it."

So I shrugged it off. And yet, it still irks me. Talk about age bias!

Yes, I walked out of that conference with a head full of knowledge and an ego much more humble than before. Yes, I left with pamphlets that contained hundreds of names of authors, reference books, websites, and email addresses that will help me get where I want to go.

But the most important realization that came to me is that I am really and truly fighting against the tide. A large portion of the adult world wants to see me fail, to make themselves feel a bit better. They want me to struggle and make mistakes, and they don't want to give me an ounce of help. Because if I mess it all up the way they did, they won't feel so terrible.

Well, guys, I'm sorry, but one nasty lady isn't going to be enough. Blowing off my questions and my inquiries won't stop me. If you won't help me, I'll find someone who can.

Beverly Jenkins, the keynote speaker for Saturday's conference, repeatedly told us all not to give up. To continue to write, despite all of the circumstances that you face. Even if you're locked in your room for three days to get an idea down. Even if you feel like you've lost everything to get to where you are.

So I won't give up. Eat my manuscript, world. :]