She Who Was Born to Carry the World

Try to see from my point of view for just a few minutes:

You're sitting there, minding your own business, when suddenly BAM! the world comes up and says, "Hey, wanna haul me around for awhile?"

You say sure [as if you have a choice] and before you can even read the fine print on the contract, you're suffocating.

All of the problems, puzzles, clues, evils, hints, tricks, and pains--it's all yours. Happy birthday.

Did I ever mention how difficult it is to feel all of your emotions? I finally figured out why I can feel them, too [though it has provided me no relief...]. It's good ol' synesthesia, acting up again. You feel an emotion, it registers as a color in my head, and my brain gets tricked into thinking that I'm feeling it...

More tricks. Ugh. Ew.

But that's how my days go, guys. I wake up after having vivid dreams [often the kind you would consider nightmares] only to find that the real world is no better. You're all so angry, so tense, so sad...

How am I to keep from going mad? I'm a mere human girl. I can't be supernatural. I can't be anything more than this.

And yet, I am. I have to be. Without you knowing it, I will bear your burdens and share your joys. I will be blessed on your good days and agonized on your bad.

A public service announcement for the Red Cross reads, "We've never chatted in the grocery store, but I will help save your life." I laughed when I read it, because it's just so damn ironic.

Welcome to my life, people. I'm only here to be a part of your lives, to save them if need be. I don't want gratitude [because I'm not even sure if I deserve it]. I don't want fame or fortune. I just want to be able to sit in a chair in a crowded room and feel only ONE set of emotions. My own.

I thought maybe that I was just really, really empathetic. Ha. I've learned all about empathy, and yet I've never seen anyone else react the way I do to another's pain or ecstasy.

I'm sorry, I'm ranting. But everyone was emotional in school today [for absolutely no reason whatsoever] and it's wearing me down.

Have a splendid day, world. Try to be happy--for everyone's sake.