Damnsel in Distress

Note the "n" there. Ha, ha. Irony. Sounds like "damn," get it?

Anyway.

I fall down. A lot. More than the average human should. I run into stationary objects, I collide with moving objects, I fall up and down stairs, I forget how to walk sometimes, and I take corners too sharply...and smack the entire side of my body on the door frame.

So I'm not exactly graceful, you might say. In fact, I'm the antithesis to any graceful action. I am the equal and opposite reaction that Newton warned us about. The clumsy little thing your mother warned you about.

But I would not call myself a "damsel in distress." See, the whole "in distress" part seems to imply that the damsel is not always in such a state. She doesn't usually trip over that crack in the sidewalk, only every now and then.

I trip over it every time. And I'm really no damsel--that implies elegance, and a certain desire to be saved from a tall tower by a handsomely ignorant prince.

Not a damsel. Just perpetually distressed.