Slow Down, Time

Every morning I wake up and another day has passed. Each minute ticks by, second by second, and I am reminded that time stops for nobody.

Especially nobodies who really wish it would.

Kailey turned seventeen yesterday, and we spent some quality time at the zoo. I'm a little bit in shock that my baby sister is seventeen--seventeen!--but I'll have to allow her to grow up at some point. Well, maybe. ;]

Happy, HAPPY birthday wishes to you, love. You're a strong, beautiful woman that I'm proud to have as a sister. Keep being silly and don't let anyone interfere with your wonderfully keen insight.

Cassie and Pinks are doing well, too. Cassie was THISCLOSE to getting a state time at her swim meet this weekend [!!!] and I am one hundred percent certain she'll nab it next time. I love watching her advance in her sport; it's almost inhuman, the way those gosh darn swimmers move. And from my own experience, I know how difficult it is...

Pinks finished up her nursing assistant program at Beaumont and is looking forward to getting closer and closer to her career goals. Of all of us, she's probably the most ready to graduate, both mentally and in the sense that she knows what she wants after high school. Ha! The day I know what I want with my life will be the day I die, and by then it'll be way too late.

Maddy has evaporated from my life for these past few weeks, leaving a hole the size of Africa in my heart. It wasn't intentional--she's been out of town most of the time--but my heart aches all the same. I miss you so much, Madds!! :[

And my biological family is doing quite well, too. :P

As for me? I'm discovering who I am, one day at a time. Minute by minute. For instance, I learned today that the reason I don't throw things away [packrat syndrome, folks] is because I have an intense fear of forgetting. I didn't realize how potent it was until my mother tried to get rid of one of my dad's old shirts that I still sleep in every once in awhile. In all honesty, I should throw it out--tattered, bleach spots, multiple holes, doesn't fit in the least bit--but such an anxiety gripped me that I felt compelled to put it in the drawer yet again. I'm terrified to forget where I've been, what I've done...who I am.

I'm not crazy, I think. Anyway, if I ever feel the need to create my own psychological theory, that could be a contender for its topic.

But I also learned today, amidst a million other little lessons, that I'm the only person who is ever going to understand me. I've heard it before, naturally, but it never clicked until today.

I may never comprehend my own mind entirely, but I sure do a better job than anyone else ever will. And that's probably a good thing. :]