Scope it Out

My horoscope for today, 30 July 2007: [Aries, in case you care.]

Can you tell the difference between a real problem and an imagined problem in your life? There is a lot of drama going on around you, and it could be making you think there are dilemmas where none truly exist. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because someone makes a lot of noise that they have an issue you need to help solve. They probably want your attention, but you don't have to give it to them. Focus on what you know matters, not on what they tell you matters.

Are these people in my family room? Are they watching me? So freaking creepy...

If I must presume to call anything my "greatest weakness," it is this. I, being more than aware of the emotions of those around me, have developed in my somewhat short lifetime a little, nasty habit of thinking I need to ALWAYS solve other people's problems. Seriously. I find someone who's down, or furious, and BAM! I fall into the role of "counselor." Helper. Aid. Emotional outlet. Call it what you will, I was it.

My friends know me as "the calm one." In the event of an emergency, I'm awesomely level-headed. Really. I'm not bragging. I am top-notch material when faced with a dangerous issue. I don't panic easily [with a few exceptions, of course, like the time I stopped breathing. I panicked then.] and I am REALLY good at handing out orders. I'm a boss, yet compassionate. This in mind, you can see how easily I became the person they went to with their problems. You can see how I became the counselor.

So this was me: I felt others' pain, by choice. I let their problems become my problems. By choice.

To you, it sounds stupid; to me, it made complete sense. See, I felt [and still believe] that human beings, as individuals, are alive for a reason. Not randomly. And if you notice, the ones that have no purpose usually don't last very long. Again, not random. [This conclusion does NOT include those who HAD a purpose and were cut down... That's the result of people without purposes trying too hard to be something they're not]

So my purpose, to me, was to bear the burden of everyone else, to make their time just a tad bit easier, so they can find their own purpose. I was lucky--my job was handed to me on a silver platter [not literally] and my path was set straight ahead. I knew what I had to do, how to do it, and who I needed to help. I became a Guardian of others' souls and minds. I thought it was all settled.

Do you see the flaw in my excellent plan yet? Do you see what soon became my near-downfall?

I see it now. I helped too much. I took on too much. I squeezed way too many emotions in my tiny little brain and thought I'd work it out. WRONG!

I was arrogant. I was conceited. I thought I was invincible, undeniable, infallible. WRONG!

Here I stand, somewhat broken by these highly ignorant assumptions I once made. In taking on so much hurt and sorrow from others, I merely hurt myself.

As I read my horoscope today, I am reminded of the cost of overconfidence. I am reminded of the price I once paid for my overbearing care of others. Like a mother who won't let her children grow, I held people back from their obstacles and in turn presented myself with a field of hurdles.

This is my greatest weakness, my highest fault. Instead of guiding people along their paths, instead of guarding them the proper way, I stole their burdens and shielded them from all that I considered pain, shielded them from the TRUTH.

Today, I ask of you, and of myself, to consider your purpose. Consider the problems and issues in your life that you felt the urge to tackle alone. If they're not YOUR problems and you can't think of an extremely valid reason to bear them, let 'em go. Release the unwanted burden. Help yourself first, and then help others if you feel it's right.

Review what you value and the price you must pay to keep those valuables from harm. Can you pay the price? Do you have enough strength, enough life, to protect said valuables? If you don't, then maybe you shouldn't be protecting them.

Don't listen to anyone else when they try to tell you what's important. You'll know. Encouraged by the actions of those around me, I once valued my dignity, and went to great lengths to prevent myself from being humiliated or embarrassed. It took a lot of effort on my part [especially because I trip over everything within a ten-mile radius] so I decided it wasn't worth it. Sure, I still get embarrassed over stupid stuff. But I don't let it haunt me anymore.

Emotional strength isn't a Mastercard--you can't use it first and repay the debt later. Using your strength is paying in cash; once it's gone, it's gone. Spent. Depleted. Wasted.

And a word of advice? You don't ever want to be "gone." 'Cause it really, really sucks.