Plan Be

I know I've said on here before that I thought the answer to the world's troubles was loving one another [see post "It's Simply a Difference of Opinion..."]. Yes, I honestly thought that was possible. I thought that a world of arrogant, self-centered people [myself included] could learn to love other people.

Ha. Yeah. Let me know how that goes down.

So now I offer an alternative, a Plan B. I truly don't care if you opt to follow my lead or not. It's your life, not mine. I choose to live mine the way I feel is best.

Here's the general idea: stop. Stop worrying about stupid, little things. Stop trying to convince everyone else that you're right and they're all wrong. Stop shoving opinions down the throats of others. Stop pretending to care about people you don't even know. Stop striving for perfection that you'll never reach.

Stop everything, and just be. I know it sounds so difficult, to let go of everything you hold near and dear and just let yourself exist. Let go of stupid arguments and pointless issues. Let go of self-consciousness. Be you, with no strings attached. Show people who you are and don't given a single damn about what they think.

Release your hold and things you once considered imperative to survival, realizing what and who you truly need to live. Become a force to be reckoned with. Become someone that the weaker people admire. Become that one person that holds the power to not only accept the world, but to change it.

And all by simply existing as you are.

I'm almost there, I daresay. I don't care what other people think of me or my actions. I don't feel the need to provide a reason for those actions, especially not when a reason is demanded from someone I don't respect. That's the worst phrase you can ask me--"But why?"--because it'll only make me close my mouth tighter. I think before I leap. I process before I react. I don't need to tell everyone in the world why I do what I do.

And I'm someone you don't mess with. I'm not being cocky, I know it's true. Sure, I won't physically attack you, because I'm a bit on the small side and fighting isn't worth my time, but I can beat your illogical arguments. I won't pretend to be invincible, or the most intelligent person in the world. Far from both--VERY far. But I think I have enough will to survive and enough brain cells to get by.

This is my plan. My Plan Be. I'm going to just be Arty, the girl I know I am underneath my half-tan skin. My name, my written identity, matters little. I don't care what you call me. I'm just me.

Because the world isn't what it seems. Reality isn't a line in the sand. Fiction and non-fiction have ceased to mean much to me--they've become one and the same. The things I thought could never happen have happened, and the things I expected were far from the truth. My life, the life that I'm choosing, involves so much more than the mundane day-to-day grind. I have more than that to worry about. It goes deeper than typical high school troubles, fashion conflicts, and dishwasher detergent choices.

What would you do if the world of reality you'd worked so hard to build just crumbled away with one wave? And again? And again? You'd abandon it, and jump in the water.

That's what I'm doing. I'm giving up conventional reality and leaping into this unknown, satisfied with just existing and being nothing more than I already am. I'm strong enough to withstand this tide. I'm whole enough to avoid breaking into a million pieces. I'm smart enough to avoid the big swells that destroy homes, lives, hearts, and happiness.

Life cannot stop me. Life cannot bring me down. I am more than just your average human girl, hard to kill and hard to understand. I am more. I am something more.

I am me.