In the Business

I feel so alone, and yet so...engulfed.

I wanted this. That's what I tell myself. I need this, this silence, this stillness. I need the reminder that there's more to life than what they all can feel.

But I feel alone, and although I may love it, I'm hating it right now.

I don't want all of them. Just some. I don't want everyone, just someone. Someone who can make my day brighter, instead of the other way around--the way it always is now. I can't have bad days. I can't have bad moments. No, I have to always be on top of things, because if I start slacking, their minds start going.

I have to be the one who pretends, or else the world will fall to pieces.

I am their system. I am the one with the words that can save, the words that induce healing in otherwise untouchable wounds. I am the one responsible for deluding them into thinking that everything can really be okay.

It's my fault. I'm to blame. I took care of them too much.

I took pity on the weak and tried to show them the way. It's really too bad I couldn't have carved a path for myself, too.

Maybe it's time to stop being selfless. Maybe it's time to take care of myself for a change. Forget what they think, what they feel, what they know--I need to care for me, and only me.

So no more pity. No more tending. I'm determined to become who I want to be, with or without the baggage attached.